Tuesday, December 14, 2010

player

something different
something new

one in the same book
lift each other up

share in the moment
share in the day
share tomorrow
share forever

wanting the same
playing the same game




because there's a lack
when two can't plan or share in excitement
can't dance on the same stage
can't build in the same city

Monday, November 29, 2010

Monday, November 15, 2010



Metal Mouth





back once laptop's been resurrected




Friday, October 1, 2010

gently

a nice one
who makes me smile
subtlety
a real one
i can give & give to
poetry

just a click
the recognition
slip into each others skin
& breath out
a brush of fingertips
slip of the wrist
touch
a watched eye

home

blend in
no one else
it's the fit
and that is it
that is all
the combination
the particles
the pieces
all blown up
into something glowing
bright
painful
yet
heavenly
beyond any delight
beyond life
beyond anything
beyond beyond
beyond



Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Actually happy to be in LA...
Have realized & accepted the things that are just not going to change...& totally ok with it
Actually feel really good
Totally ready to let go & do what I need to do
Get what I want
Feeling happy
Yay silliness
Yay my life

<3

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Let Go




When you try to change people....
Control them...
You only push them further into their own ways
&
Push them away




Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Monday, August 16, 2010

What's the Point?




Fucked


Just fucked






Miserable
&
fucked






Thanks life
Thanks everyone









Friday, August 6, 2010

?





because nothing beautiful or good or lovely about her got magnified...



never felt it






Thursday, August 5, 2010

Metal & Wood




a carpenter
a builder
a creator
a teacher
a tailor
a treasure finder
a shop owner
a hunter
an art director
an illustrator
a painter
a craftsman
a book binder
flag wearer
a lover







Friday, July 30, 2010

rope bound












doesn't know who to pour into













wtp

To Her
Hand in hand we come
Christopher Robin and I
To lay this book in your lap.
Say you're surprised?
Say you like it?
Say it's what you
wanted?
Because it's yours-
Because we love you.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Invisibly Loud

I don't want to be here
fuck
I don't want to be here or here
I miss London
the city streets
walking poetry
the pace
the smell
the feel
the freedom
the nature
the gardens
the life
my life
the life in my veins
the pressure
the speed
the pulse
no one is hearing what I'm hearing
I am alone
but that's ok
i'm ok
i'm i'm i'm
fine
someplace new
never before
never again
in space
Unsettled
Unsure

I don't think
I'm pretty sure
what I want
what I really truly want can not be achieved here
but on the same hand
something I have to do
a part of me that screams
won't sing any place else
so I am stuck
in this clay
not really trapped
not really floating
just wading through substance

if only you could hear what i hear
if only I wasn't here
new york's not happening for a while
THAT isn't happening for a while
(that that that) all that
it's unsettling
i'm i'm i'm
unsettled
i'm i'm i'm
violins
i'm i'm i'm
piano keys
i'm i'm i'm
a banjo alone in a room
i'm i'm i'm
bloody knees
i'm i'm i'm
disturbed
i'm i'm i'm
cut up
i'm i'm i'm
choking
i'm i'm i'm
drowning
i'm i'm i'm
not giving up
i'll stab you first

Monday, July 12, 2010



Death knows me completely,
exactly as I am,
every part of me.
He loves me.








He knows all my flaws
&
all my oddities
&
he accepts them,
so I can feel complete.








Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Retarded Robot

I can't stand people constantly texting on their cell phones
especially when amongst others, be it 1 or twenty people
That hunched silhouette of someone with their head down staring at a screen, thumbs tapping away like a retarded robot
no one ever just stands alone
no one can just sit alone
be alone
without props
I hate the constant detachment
Putting yourself & whoever it is your typing with at priority
Basically saying, "Fuck you..you don't matter..you can wait while I talk to this person instead..they are more important than you..I like them better..this moment here between us isn't worth much"
Choosing to read & type with someone else than connect with the person/people who is/are actually in front of you
What is so goddamn important..
It's fucking insulting
a disruption of intimacy
the inclusion of another in intimate moments
without regard for the person you are with..if they want this moment to be shared with another
breaking away to check your phone

A PHONE.........

it taints
it pollutes
it's gross
Furthermore, texts past 12am from someone of the opposite sex are 95% of the time of inappropriate nature..
any past 2am are 98% of inappropriate nature..even if it is to say, "my toe hurts"
nothing appropriate/funny/whatever needs to be discussed that late with "just a friend"
it can wait until tomorrow
those are intimate hours
Lastly, texting in bed is almost a joke it's so insulting
it's so retarded
I don't even know what to say
and people just accept this behavior
no one thinks it's weird or even rude anymore
which is sad

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Snake Boots


Don't know what's wrong
but it's there
Stranger
Separated from all
I don't know anyone
I hate I distrust
But I can cry
No longer hide

Oh well
I'm just going to die anyway

Saturday, May 29, 2010

To Reach The City

Fool
No magic dance
No spiked tree trunk to climb
Stepping into the night sky won't light up a star
Flying away won't leave stories behind
The pages make up my wings
Keep me on concrete
Bumping my knees & bleeding
A novel tied to my ankle
A poem wrapped around my wrist

Be weary of new works from experienced hunters..it's not reliable
or so I've heard

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm Going To Marry An Antique Salesman.. A Collector of Treasures

I'm not surprised..
but
I miss him
I miss him

I wanted him with me today
I wanted him to hold my hand
I wanted to hold his
I wanted to smell his neck
..the collar of his shirt
..his sleeve
To feel his warmth
..the texture of his hand
Experience his strength
To watch him
..learn from him

To share the day together

To get his input



This may not be so poetic..
I feel like being relatively straight..
I admire his style
I trust his taste
I look up to him in some respect
There were many "well dressed" "trendy" people today
but it was boring
They did nothing for me
Almost repulsed me to be frank
There is no depth to them
It was a disappointment to see so much of the same...the things I like.. but cheap
I respected him
He is a purist
Real
Classic
Quality made
Obviously we both care about our appearance
But it is more about us
We don't dress for a group
..for our friends
..for a crowd
..but for ourselves

I wanted to look at antiques with him
Trinkets
Clothes
Leather
Bags
Flags

I wanted to imagine our future..
A home..
A trip..
An adventure..

But a lot of this was mixed with a made up MAN
The MAN of my dreams
Which has quite a bit of him in HIM



I felt alone
&
A little sad


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Crippled Horse

Pummeled by the entire situation..trapped under waves.. 
Can't open my eyes.. can't come up for air.. 
Can't struggle against the waves because I just get thrown against rocks.. 
Trapped under water I can't swim..I can't play...I can't see all the pretty fish...
Trapped under water I can't make true decisions...they are not the decision of my heart, but the decisions of the circumstance...
Caught under water my heart loses its' voice...my heart goes quiet..& my body goes limp

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Bedroom Inspiration II

My Current Favorite Places To Be

1. At School

2. In my bed

3. Venice...by the beach

4. Outside

5. New York



I don't want to go or be anywhere else for a while........unless it's Paris or a long beautiful drive someplace great

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Dear Jesus





1. My own home
2. Boy oh boy



To be continued...

Get Out of My Way

I may or may not have eaten way too much chocolate

Morrissey

I want the job badly
some money too please
My own place
Mine
Alone
Away from family
Away from all others
I want my own life
some new clothes too..
maybe a kitten
definitely possibly


I think I want another tattoo
I might go get one tomorrow
Alone
though I don't want to pay for it..


...

Tigers & braids

I Like nice

Fuck off

Heart

I love...
sweet
pink
sex
romance
presents
flowers
sheets
kisses
compliments
boyfriend
girlfriend
nice
keeping the skirt on
attention
me
us
leaving me be
watching me
loving
liking
shared excitement
teamwork
kindness
play
comfort
fun
candy
privacy
cool breeze
free
early morning
watching movies
reading
music
sharing
walking
experiencing
make me see
fight for me
feeling beautiful
being special
strawberry milkshakes
skipping lunch
being me
not changing
growing
glowing
happy
laughing
making out
innocence
respect
fingering
simply sleeping
simply being
simply love

I Don't Know Happy

I don't know
I want to feel I can't live without you 
love
I am selfish
maybe
I love me
sometimes
God, I love alone
do I?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010

z

z

I want real love
Real fucking
The connection of two souls
Two lives

An exchange

Recognition
I want to feel it deep
Penetrate me please
I want to feel it deep deep
I want to feel it hard
So hard it crushes me
Takes a bite from my lungs & chews on me
I want to sleep in it

And I want soft

I want tender
Fingertips grazing
Kisses that stain me
Mark up my back
And let me live in you
Be you & you can be me too


With But Without

With the taste of it
I feel starved
I long
I long deep & hard
I hurt
I yearn
I crave
Man
Comfort
Protection
Arms
Love
Presence
The smell of his neck
The warmth of his skin
His weight
His air
Him

Sunday, February 28, 2010

When Breathing Becomes A Thing of Intimacy

Fragile beyond perceived
Assuredly
Fragile beyond many
Surprisingly 
Disguised behind my ears
Behind my passion
Behind my lips
Tremble
I feel the pain stiffen within me
The walls of my heart thickening
Tremble
Exhale
Lungs fluttering
Blood draining from my limbs
Knees knock about with pins 
Tremble
I am much weaker than you think
Delicate
Breakable
Hurtable
Things pain me
Sink in & infiltrate my body
Poison my sleep
Bruise me
Cut me
Bleed me
I am much more vulnerable than you think
I feel things
I feel things
I feel things
I feel things 
Beyond what you think
Beyond most others
Tremble
Quiver
Shake
Frailer than you'd think
More breakable than can be seen
The bottom of my heart shatters
Crumbs
Goes down into my organs & feeds me
My hurt lives in me
Collects in me
Plays in me
Listen to me
Feel me
My breath gives it away

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Monday, February 15, 2010

child

I just remember make believe

Faeries

Fig trees

Scraped knees

Goldfish in the pool

Swimming in the grass

Spiderweb laden Juniper bushes

Tangerines

Plum stained driveway

Hiding under floor boards

Crawling into cabinets & napping

Tracing each angle, each corner with my fingertips




Incomplete....
maybe

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Feeling girl Now

Maybe I do have something to write..

Feeling small
Like a speck on the back of a throat
Slightly sick
Quite needy

I'm feeling girl now
Pulled down from Woman
Penelope

I want to lay in a garden
Climb trees
Bruised knees
Little girl

I want to cuddle up in Your arms
Tangled legs
Sweaty palms
Tiny child
Rocked to sleep

I can't feel the Woman in me

That's ok

I'm feeling girl today


Monday, February 1, 2010

Cake


The consumption of food...the preparation of food...FOOD & EATING
is very telling of who you are & if I'm going to like you

Me
Sticky fingers, sticky sheets, "sticky messy child"
turmeric stained fingertips
bed crumbs
cookies on the floor
honey on the sheets
almond skins in pockets
trails of food & candy
my markings

People who can share that
share the flavors
experience
& innocence to a degree

Nothing gets me more than someone who finishes my plate
doesn't think twice about it
takes my fork
and finished off what I can't eat

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I wish I was a poet
I wish I knew how
Spit out flowers
Trickle purple sound
Delicate
Liar